It started with a song…. No, actually this time it really didn’t. This time, I think it started with a fever, which turned into a dream of helplessness and searching. Music helps me to dispel the awkwardness of bad dreams. So maybe this just ended with a song, and then a smile!

Surely many of you have had bouts of insomnia at one time or another. The stress and worries of the world bear down on our psyches. It is no secret that I don’t sleep much to family and friends. When I do, I am often plagued by nightmares, especially if I am not feeling well. Insomnia can sometimes be a welcome friend as waking moments are less frightening to me. There are times when I think one feeds the other. I stay awake because I fear sleep, or the nightmares I may have; and the nightmares come to a sleep deprived mind. A bit of a Catch 22 you might say! At any rate, the last nightmare shook me up quite a bit! I’m sure it only lasted a few minutes at best but at the time, it seemed to go on forever. I wrote it out a few times to ease my mind and ended with this…

I wake to darkness
And whispering murmurs
Just outside my reach

I turned to you
Yet you were gone
Nothing

I hear my name
Only this time different
Like an echo
Of a voice remembered
But gone

Annie? Annie?
My Annie…
Wake up.

I thought it was my Mum
I called to her
Mummy? Mum?
Is that you?
I’m here
I’m up
Please?
I can’t see you!

The dark closes in
The heat rises
I hear the echo
In my mind again

“Come on sweetheart,
Time to rise and shine”

I turn away again
No one is there
I can’t see
Just a dream
And I fall back

Still hot,
Burning
I am in hell
I think

But why?
My mind reels
Images flash
I struggle
To open my eyes
To run
To hide

Go away
Leave me
Stay
And they did

Whispers
Of my mind
And then
Nothing
No one

It is quiet
But burning
Too hot to touch
Melting
Dissolving to liquid

I struggle for breath
Help me?
Hold me please?
I reach out
A hand grasps mine

Again
My name
Annie?
An insistent voice
“Wake up now!”

My eyes strain to see
Afraid of the dark
I must run

Struggling
I tumble
Hitting the floor
The edge of consciousness
But I can’t escape
My body
Does not cooperate

Coolness overcomes me
Hope?
Cold
So cold now
I must be dead

Open your eyes
My mind beckons
Open your eyes
You’re dreaming
Not gone yet

Ascending
Through the shadows
Of my mind
Seeking the light
Reaching up and out

This is difficult
My eyes open
Blinking away the pain
The light is low
Behind me now

Cool
Comfort
My name again
Oh, it’s you
My heart speaks
I am home
Safe again
Alive

If you suffer from Insomnia or nightmares, or both, I hope you find some peace. Music helps, at least I’ve found this to be so. For now dear reader, I leave you again with a song. It’s called Save Me by Ryan Adams. I hope you enjoy it.

Ryan Adams ~ Save Me

Goodbye for now dear reader, today’s blog is a wee bit different, this time it truly did end with a song …
….. and I am smiling now!

annie <3

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