It started with the phrase “Change is good”… a phrase I’ve heard over and over lately. It’s something I’m learning to embrace, I have no choice in the matter really. I have noticed though, that people will tell you this when they have nothing better to say. “I’m sorry” doesn’t work, “Don’t worry, things will work out” is a bit too trite, and any of the words of wisdom people say all seem to fall flat. The New Year has brought so many changes, I’m sure there are many I am grateful for, although right now it truly doesn’t seem that way. But to be honest, these current issues have been in the background for quite some time. I am basically a very shy and quiet person by nature… I may have mentioned this a time or two! I am an introvert surrounded by a world of extroverts and have found this to be my downfall. I generally have a very healthy attitude about life in general and have tried to treat people with kindness and compassion. However, I don’t feel it’s necessary to ‘share’ my life with everyone because it seems that it just becomes fodder for more rumors and innuendos. Unfortunately, some of the people that I work with feel that this is unfair of me. I should be more outgoing, share my life and give them something to talk about. I can’t. I have tried but have found this only leads to more fuel for the gossip mill which just causes more problems. I’ve always been very flexible, adapting to everything that comes my way without changing what is essentially me. But now, I am being asked to change my spirit, the fundamentals of my very nature. I don’t believe I can do this. I honestly don’t believe it is a possibility for anyone to make such a change without losing themselves in the process. So, I’ve been floundering in a world of unknowns the past few months, lost and unable to function as I should, which has only made things worse. I’ve survived for 15 years in the corporate world of healthcare, where life can be very much like a soap opera and professionalism often takes a backseat. I have been hiding in plain sight for those years because a smile can hide many things. But I am tired of playing the game. At some recent point in time, I realized that the best decision is to try something new. Although I do not relish the thought, I have nothing else to lose. Now is the time to move on.
So, I’ve tried to do what anyone would when faced with changing or losing one’s job. My current employer would like to see me stay within the network as I am a valuable asset, with the exception of my obvious flaws! I’m not quite sure this is an option, but I am willing to give it a go as there are a few considerations, such as healthcare coverage, that I desperately need. I’ve looked in my heart and read and researched and tried to find something that I would be better suited to. And I’ve grasped little tidbits of affirmation and a wealth of knowledge from different sources. One of the blogs I read has been quite helpful as it has calmed my fear of failure by allowing me to realize some of my good qualities. The blog is titled “Sheep Dressed Like Wolves” http://www.sheepdressedlikewolves.com/ and is written by Andy Mort. If you are ever doubting yourself for being different, please take the time to read Andy’s many posts, you will gain so much understanding of your place in this world. Andy describes his blog as follows: ‘…something for people I define as “Reluctant Leaders and Gentle Rebels” who long to make an impact in a sometimes strange, absurd, and often overwhelming world.’ This was life altering for me because while reading I was able to find myself and realize that I am not alone.
He goes on to say this: “I am a Highly Sensitive (social) Introvert, which is something I only really discovered during the past couple of years. I have spent much of my life searching for meaning and purpose beyond the perceived expectations of society. As a result I often feel inadequate, underprepared, and like other people have better ideas, more experience and a bigger sense of understanding and entitlement to live a life of fulfilment and purpose.” After reading this I finally confronted myself and my fears realizing that now was the time to move forward as I saw so much of myself in these words. I’ve read and reread many of Andy’s blog posts in my efforts to understand myself. It’s helped me to appreciate my sensitivities as an exceptional trait, rather than always feeling that I will never be good enough. Oddly enough, I now realize that I am not a ‘failure’ for feeling overwhelmed and being quiet in the corporate world I currently work in. I can move on to a different aspect of work, whether it is in this network, or out on my own and know that I can survive without trying to become something I am not. For this I owe Andy Mort a great debt of gratitude.
Andy Mort is not only a gifted writer and author, but an extremely talented Singer-Songwriter who creates his music under the pseudonym ‘Atlum Schema’. As an Indie artist he is exceptional and unique, writing about the human condition while bringing a sense of peacefulness to your soul. He is releasing a new album the end of March, 2014, titled “Year 0”. It’s available for pre-sale now so please be sure to check it out here: http://music.sheepdressedlikewolves.com/album/year-0 This will be the fourth release for Atlum Schema. Andy’s music brings with it a sense of social purposefulness and corresponds greatly with his writing. Both will produce an awareness of yourself and the world in which we live. I look forward to hearing more from this talented artist, both in song and the written word and hope you take the time to listen and read his work. It may change how you look at this scary world.
So, for now I leave you with this video, a track from “Year 0” by Atlum Schema entitled “Help Me (if you can)”. Andy’s writings and music have helped me and perhaps they will help you too! Please listen, enjoy the music and Andy’s blogs/podcasts!
Help Me (if you can) – Atlum Schema
It started with a song (well maybe a phrase this time)… but the song will make you smile!
Thanks for reading!
For More Information about Andy Mort and his Writing and Music, please visit the following sites: